I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
