I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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