Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
