i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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