He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
