nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
