I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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