im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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