remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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