I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
