I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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