He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
