The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
