Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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