Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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