i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
