(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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