you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
