I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
