Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
