I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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