I wanna passion pit in your ass
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
