The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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