I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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