He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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