I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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