I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
