I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
