Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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