Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
