Buhtt sex?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
