the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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