we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
