So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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