My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
