i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
