Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
