Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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