Im at strip club and am horny
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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