Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
