The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
