Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
