Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
