Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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