I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
