U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
