Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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