I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
