At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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