Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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