the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
