Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
